Things I thought about today...
2006-05-19 // 4:02 p.m..
You know those 'ten things' lists? I thought of things today that belong on one... but to total strangers.
All the better. They never read this, you will- have a chuckle at their expense:
1) To the guy who sat behind us in the movie theatre today: I know they call it tobacco 'chew' and a popcorn 'bucket' but they are mutually exclusive, and neither are they for CHEWING, or using as a BUCKET. I'm just saying.
2) To the guy who sat a row up behind us: I'm sorry you have sleep apnea and snore so badly. Next time, I might suggest going to a movie that DOESN'T suck. (I mean, please. Did you think this movie would be GOOD? pfft.)
3) To the kid who sat at the end of the row: You know that 'please turn off your cellphones' thing? That's also because in the dark, we could all see the pictures your girlfriend was 'texting' you while you watched this movie, of shots up her skirt... it kind of grossed me out. Please don't mix porn and movies about killing people. It creeps me out.
4)To my bowel/J-pouch: I do understand that sometimes you reach 'capacity' at a random moment in time, but next time, can you please not lose a load during the opening scene of a scary movie? Because Come ON... you know what people were thinking. . o O ( dude. it wasn't THAT scary...)
5) To the guy in the big gray 'Expedition' of unseemly proportions: I'm sure that thing doesn't get more than 5 miles to the gallon, are your bits THAT big, that you need to drive a vehicle THAT huge? You must be getting a hella stud fee too, cause you were in such a hurry in that 'carpool' lane... I guess you, your bits, AND the truck ARE 'two or more'... and we still beat you there. *haw haw!*
6) To the lady at the grochery store on the way home: Why yes, water IS good for you... but please don't try to argue with your next door neighbor over why she should drink water instead of sodapop if she is 3 or more registers away, 'kay? Just a request. (my ears are bleeding... ow ow ow)
7) To the lovely lady who runs the Ice Cream store on the way home: Yes, I will probably 'see you tomorrow'... but did you have to be so PERKY about it? *grumbleHRMFblush* That stuff is worse than crack...
Just some random brain-thoughts... there's probably more than 7 in there, but I have some Ice Cream to eat, and a Movie 'review' I have to fill out.
I'm guessing it will start with: Great Setting... now... where'd that pesky plot go...?
Listening to: The dog... lick lick lick lick lick (AUGH!!)
Consuming: As if you didn't know.
Today my t-shirt should read: One lump, or two?
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